It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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