am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
