Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
