Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
