i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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