I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Screwed.edu
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
