I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
