how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
