she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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