Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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