i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
