she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
