between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
