thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
