Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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