fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
