the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
