I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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