his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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