Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
