I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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