strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
