Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
