Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How external is "for external use only"?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
