I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
