There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
