Dual....:-)
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
