If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
