Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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