I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
