Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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