I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
