some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
