honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
