i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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