Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
