I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
