I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
