I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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