I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
