My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
