I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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