now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
