I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
God I need to hump something, right now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
