Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
