i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
