He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
