I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
