i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
