Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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