If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
