Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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