Sry I called you an 8
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You are the jesus of drinking
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
