Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
