if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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