Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
