So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
