so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
