I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
