Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
