i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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