people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
our cab driver is having phone sex.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
