dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize