So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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