Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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