I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
